Awkward things

Well, I know i'm not the only one with awkward tendencies, but I have worked hard to make them my own, with my own exaggerated ineptitude which flows from me to all outside me. So, here's the list of things which we all do:

1. Walking along the pavement and trying to avoid walking into someone so sidestepping; to which a teeter shuffle commences and an awkward wry 'sorry' and a smile follows.

2. Declining invitations so you can enjoy being a slob on the couch whilst eating a variety of 'unhealthy' snacks.

3. At a urinal, pretending to pee when not, because for some reason you can't pee this time, so continue to stand there before shaking and washing your hands.

4. Suddenly becoming conscious of your walk and moving like a 1990s robot whilst simultaneously trying to keep a phantom piece of paper between your butt cheeks.

5. Becoming suddenly conscious of your hands and holding them in various positions in an attempt to make them feel comfortable whilst listening to someone, and failing to hear any of it.

6. Not hearing someone for the third time, so just nodding along and saying 'yeahhh'' to match the tone of the statement.

7. Being unable to suddenly change direction and go the other way without holding out your phone or watch and frowning at it before hand.

8. Accidentally making a fart sound, so you decide to keep making it to confirm to others that it wasn't a fart after all.

9. Wanting human interaction when alone, but want to be alone when amongst humans.

10. Walking down the street with two friends, so walk behind or in front, as the pavement isn't wide enough.

11. Someone sits next to you when you're about to leave, so you sit with them for a bit longer so you don't hurt their feelings.

12. Someone pulls on the bathroom door handle at a public loo, you don't know how to respond.

13. Try to say something about the topic, and keep being interrupted or beaten to the post, and then you forget what you were about to say when an opening occurs.

14. Ignore messages because you can't be bothered to reply, and you don't want to look at them because it will show up that you've seen the message so have to reply.

15. Aiming to hug someone really sexy, but then hitting the mirror with your face.

How many do you do?